Vol. I December 1998

What is Friendship?

Dear Friend,

The words "friend" and "friendship" often cross our lips. These words are important, but real friends and friendship are still more important. Can you imagine what life would be like if you were to discover that you had absolutely no friends in this world, that no one really cared about you, that no one was willing to identify himself with you? Undoubtedly an ocean of loneliness would invade your soul. I hope, however, that you have friends, and that you desire to establish deeper bonds with these persons. For this reason, let us now dedicate some space to discovering what true friendship consists in.

Maybe one of the easiest ways of discovering the heart of true friendship is by explaining the word "complaisance". At first, one might take this word to mean "a feeling of satisfaction", "a somewhat selfish attitude of smugness", or at best a "respect for the wishes of others". However there is a deeper meaning to this word, a meaning which always points to true love.

Let us imagine that your friend comes home from College after receiving his exam results. The results were better than he hoped for. His happiness is evident. You automatically share in his joy. We could say his joy becomes your joy. Or let us imagine that you were the one to pick his results up at College, and you got to know how he faired before he did. You are happy just because he has done well. You want to celebrate because he received good results. This is complaisance. Complaisance is the pleasure, the satisfaction that we feel in the good of others. We are happy that they possess some good. Such complaisance is a sign of genuine love and friendship.

But love does not stop at complaisance. It passes on to benevolence. You spend one or two days celebrating the good results, but then you pass on to desiring some new good for you friend. It is not enough that he has got a good degree, he also needs a good job. With enthusiasm and confidence you say to him, "that bank position is yours, go for it!". Because there is friendship between you, you want him to receive what is best for him.

True friendship delights in the good that the other already has, and desires that he or she receives even greater goods. There is however, another characteristic of true friendship: the desire to be together. Friends enjoy each other's company. Much time is spent in conversation, secrets are shared, as are trials and difficulties. Such sharing should however always lead to growth and happiness.

Let us now raise our thoughts to God. Let us try to uncover His most basic attitude towards us human persons. On reading the very first chapter of Sacred Scripture we see how God saw that what He made was good (Cf. Gen 1,25). He rejoiced in the goodness of creation. However it is only after He had created the first man and woman that we read the words: "And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good" (Gen 1,31). Here we see complaisance in God. He is happy because of the beauty that He sees in us human beings. He takes pleasure, He rejoices in our goodness.

Undoubtedly the splendor of the human soul was reduced through original sin. The heart of man no longer shone as God desired it to shine. Divine Love had been lost. Man's heart wandered far from God, he lived in a spiritual desert, but God still loved man. He still recognized a great beauty in the human person, the beauty of being made in the image and likeness of God:

He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness, He encircled him, He cared for him, He kept him as the apple of his eye. (Dt. 32,10)

Yes, man has always been the apple of God's eye. He has always delighted in us, taken complaisance in us.

But His love for us is not only complaisant, it is also benevolent. God wanted to restore us to intimacy with Himself. He wanted us to enjoy the closest possible union with Him. For this reason the Son of God "became flesh and dwelt among us" (Jn 1,14). St. John, who wrote these words, was deeply conscious of how much God wanted him to be united to Himself. This Apostle lay on the breast of Jesus at the Last Supper. He knew that God wanted him to enjoy God, just like lovers enjoy each others company. Just as a girl, who is truly in love, delights in the company of her future husband, likewise God wants us to delight in His company.

We are in the month of December. Of all months of the year this is possibly the easiest in which we can develop intimacy with Our Lord. However, maybe it would be best to begin this month by growing in love for Our Lady. At the moment she is the sheltering place of Jesus. Jesus is hidden, hidden beneath the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Through Mary we reach Jesus. In the Gospel of St. Luke we read that "there was no place for them in the inn" (Lk 2,7), the innkeeper rejected Mary, and by doing so he also rejected Jesus. Let us begin this month by taking Mary into our hearts, by establishing true friendship with her who is the Mother of God.

Intimacy with the Mother will prepare us for intimacy with the Son. And when Jesus in born on Christmas night we will be able to look into His eyes, be loved by Him, and love Him. Eye contact both manifests and strengthens friendship. Are we afraid of the eyes of the Christ Child? Are they too demanding for us? At times we can and should find friendship with Jesus demanding, but during the Christmas season Jesus is more appealing than demanding. He rests His gaze gently upon us, longs to draw us into His love, and be recognized as our most intimate friend. Can we possibly refuse such an appeal, to become friendly with God?

Let us dedicate some time each day to developing our friendship with Jesus. Friendship with Jesus is friendship with God. Jesus is God. Let us live this time of Advent and Christmas with great generosity of heart. Let us recognize in the New Born Babe of Bethlehem our most intimate friend. To Him let us pray: